WebTurd - The Cold Sucks Snowballs

The Cold Sucks Snowballs

Monday, 03 December 2007

It is freaking cold out and I can hardly stand it. I feel like slicing open a Taun-taun and crawling up inside it for some warmth! Although I like the snow, I hate cold weather.

A few reasons why cold weather could be a good thing are:

Christmas is near - Its time to give and get some new stuff and hang out with family...plus I get some excused days off work.

Snow - There is something about snow falling and collecting on the ground. It creates an abnormal acoustic ambience that I am not used to hearing. The atmosphere seems quiet and peaceful...until a local hillbilly zooms by in his limited snow plow package edition, super loud monster truck.

Sledding - With snow, there's sledding. Its a cool and fun way to kill a couple of hours.

No yard work - All vegetation is frozen, there is no lawn to mow and weeds to whack.

Good Excuse - Since its unbearable to go out in the cold and get any form of exercise, the cold weather makes for a great excuse to stay inside and get fatter.

Here are the top 10 reasons why I hate cold weather:

10. Its cold
9. Takes longer to get going in the morning
8. Can't go outside and play around
7. Nothing green to look at...everything is frozen dead
6. Makes it very difficult to smoke outside
5. Entire body locks up and difficult to move around
4. Snot freezes up and makes my nose feel funny
3. Ice cream and popsicles just don't sound good at all
2. Coats, hats and gloves just weigh me down
1. Its just too damn cold to do anything

With that being said, I leave you with a parting parody song related to cold weather.

Original Song Title:	"We Belong Together"
Original Performer:	Mariah Carey

Parody Song Title:	"I Hate The Cold Weather"
Parody Written by:	Abbott Skelding

I just don't like it
The cold weather, the wind and the snow
You have to bundle tight
It is the worst thing that I know
Cause you can't do nothing
It is stupid
It is foolish
I am surely no elf
It would feel almost one hundred times better
Go without my gloves
Never imagined I'd be
Sitting here inside the snow

Cause I really hate snow
I just want it to go
But I'd rather have anything
Than that cold stuff
This feeling, hate this feeling
But I do not have a choice
The chill that's running down my spine
I do not feel rejoice
Oh, what I wouldn't give
To get rid of this cold weather
Right now, 'cause surely

[Chorus:]
When it snows, I feel so damn chilly
I would rather go rake leaves
Old Man Winter please, 'cause
I hate the cold weather
Why would anybody want to play in that stuff?
I am sitting inside waiting for the sun to come up
Anything- take it's place
Heat is totally better
Cause surely baby, I hate the cold weather

I can't sleep at night
When my toes are so cold
The local news is on the radio
Telling to me
'If you think you're freezing now'
Wait a minute
This is just wrong, just wrong
I gotta change the station
So I turn the dial
Trying to catch a break
And then I hear "8 Degrees"
Winter, I just hate you
Hated you from the start
I would surely have warmer weather
Why don't you just depart?
I'm running out of sweatshirts and blankets
I'm burning things
Trying
Trying to figure out
Why this season is wrong
This weather was here all day long
It's not even as cold
As it is outside
I need you
Need you Summer, come back baby

[Chorus x2]

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